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Tuesday April 1

I waited all day until 3:15. I took Aaron's chair to the dumpster on the wagon and since I had the wagon I filled it with weeds from the gully. I took down the fence around what was the chicken yard and helped move it across the property to the hole that is no longer a hole. Melissa's mother came and they dug the post holes and put up the fence while I took a shower and got ready for Karen to come. She came and off we went to the doctor who turned out to be a nurse practitioner so by law she couldn't sign the disability paper. But she did write a prescription with the diagnosis on it to take tomorrow to the VA man and of the VA man doesn't accept it Karen said she would give me $100 so a real doctor can sign it. Aaron will pay either the mortgage or Critical care so I told him to pay the mortgage. This will leave money to pay Geico this month and Critical care next month. By then I expect something will come in, probably money for the truck. I can always put everything else on a credit card and pay the minimum for 5 months and then pay it off when the VA comes through retroactively.

Wednesday April 2

I went to Langley at 8 am to see if I could get a doctor there to sign my disability paper. The intake woman was new and she didn't know a lot of things. First I had to go to walk I clinic to get put on the computer and I had to come home, write a letter, take it to the bank to get it notarized and then I took it back to Langley and got in the computer and got a A (lowest paying) rating. I though about getting a MRI there but it costs $160 and if I wait until April 29 I assume it will be free. I wish I knew. If it's just a $60 difference I'd prefer to know now. Marvin Pell was leaving while I was coming and he saw me and turned around and he didn't know Jim had died and nobody told him to bug off. He said he would give me a few days. I need a few years. At 12:30 Melissa and drove to Wildwood to visit with the VA man. The VA man took us in right away but would not accept the prescription. He needs the paper signed. After I got an A rating at Langley I learned they did not fill out disability forms. I see an ENT named Dr. Rosenblatt tomorrow at Lazarus and if he's a real doctor maybe he will sign the VA paper, and since I found out that VA doesn't look at SSI maybe I'll go for that, too. Before I go to Lazarus I'll stop by Langley and talk to the Access FL man and ask about EBT.

Thursday April 3

I went to Langley and got a new form to fill out for EBT so I came home to fill that one out and grabbed the disability form and took both of them back. He said I did a good job on both and told me to check back with him next Tuesday so he could email the worker who got them and tell her to speed things up. Melissa, Aaron and Melissa's mother were working on the garden when I got home and Marvin Pell pulled in the yard and drove right past us and never saw us. I expected him to walk over but he never did. Then Mel Coleman arrived and we sat in the swing and talked about many things. After he left I decided to take a nap so I napped until it as time to go for my ENT appointment. I got there and got in the ENT chair and I cold hear him talking to the nurse out in the main room. He said I didn't need him I needed a neurologist. He came in and looked in ears, nose and throat and implied nothing was wrong. I sat with him in the main room and he focused on the neurologist appointment. We argued whether it was in Leesburg or Lady Lake and I gave her the new phone number since I let the old one expire. She said she would check and call me tomorrow. I got him to write his name on the VA disability paper and I came home and filled in what he didn't fill in. I did some outside work until dark and now I'm writing this and I may watch another episode of Drop Dead Diva.

Friday April 4

I called and got a 2 pm appointment at a the VA office so I goofed off until that time and Aaron drive me there. The paper was accepted and we stopped at Save-A-Lot to get cheese for dinner on our way back. We had no fire but I didn't get too dirty so a shower would have been a relaxing event only. I watch more Drop Dead Diva and researched dysarthria and dysphagia and the only thing I could find that started with bad speech and difficulty swallowing was ALS. Stephen Hawking has ALS and he has lived with it longer than anybody else. Normally life last 5 years after it is diagnosed. But I am making no claims on the disorder. I will wait until Feb 29 and see what the MRI says I have.

Saturday April 5

Today I got up did my gas prices and the watered everything at dawn and then came back in and watched Netflix. Melissa's mother came and they set up a canopy and started cleaning out the barn. I went out periodically to check the barn and stoke my stump fire and late in the afternoon I watered the garden again. I kind of settled on Bulpar ALS for a diagnosis for why I can't talk and have trouble swallowing. Also, I could only lift my weights 12 times where previously I could lift them 25 times. I will see if I can get back up to 25 and prove this diagnosis wrong. Dinner was late so I am writing this at 9:43 pm

Sunday April 6

I didn't get around to watching General Conference until 12:30 because I had to water plants, check things coming out of the barn and order size 10 jeans for $5 and show Christian videos of children and their bedrooms. So I finished Conference took a does of CDS and worked on my fire and downloaded a speech synthesizer. I took my last does of CDS which I mix with Keifer so Aaron and Melissa went shopping and brought home Keifer and pizza. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to swallow it but I had no problem. I am now on Season 3 episode 5 of Drop Dead Diva. I'll take a last does of CDS before I go to bed and finish episode 5.

Monday April 7

Today I planted two rows of Moringa in the garden and a pot of Moringa to sit beside the swing. To fill the pot I scraped away the leaves and mulch and shoveled up the rich soil underneath the mulch and then topped it of with Miracle Grow. In the garden I shoveled a shallow trench and filled it with Miracle Grow, planted the seeds and then covered them with more Miracle Grow. I also planted my ground cover seeds. They were so small I wondered how the seller managed to count out 100. I also transferred the grass Aaron removed for the Lufa seeds o bare areas in the back lawn. Paul drove his tractor over to talk and he invited more over for breakfastt and we talked and then his wife came over a while later and invited me for breakfast at 8 am. I did a load of Jim clothes and then checked the mail only to find that thredUP does not accept men's clothing, and no winter clothing. I also worked on my stump fire. There isn't much of a stump left, just a bump. I tried to take a nap, but that lasted about 10 minutes. I went out and expanded my Moringa trees by digging more trenches and filling them with Miracle Grow, until I ran out of Miracle Grow. I still have more seeds. I made a fire and got my shower and washed my hair and researched misarticulation because I don't have slurred ASL speech, I have misarticulation. I need to point these things out so the neurologist can make an informed diagnosis. Anyway, I didn't get a nap so I'm really tired.

Tuesday April 8 I wrote this last night but somehow it didn't make it. I went to Paul's house promptly at 8 am and had a wonderful breakfast. I did all my talking before I at because, as I told Paul, my speaking worsens after I eat or drink. I came home and it was raining so I didn't have to water. Melissa was gone all day helping her sister have her baby who was already named Liam Copper Watson. Back at home Aaron and the boys were cooped up inside but I wandered out in the light rain to check her lufa plants and noticed they and barely broken ground. My last Aid and Attendance arrived today so I'm not short for 5 month until my Aid and Attendance comes. I watched more episodes of Drop Dead Diva and researched my disorder, which more and more points to ALS: Within the dysarthric groups, the ALS produced the most distortions, with 18% of their consonants produced abnormally. Dysarthria in ALS is often characterized by a notable hypernasality.. The most frequent type of distortion in ALS is incomplete closures of stops. ALS patients do realize some voiced and voiceless stops with incomplete closure. Another characteristic of the ALS group is the voicing of voiceless consonants, notable especially for fricatives but also for voiceless stops.

Wednesday April 9

I decided today was the day to go to town. Equipped with only Jim's death certificate I first went to cash my check but since I only had $1,000 in the back, I kept $900 in cash for emergencies. My second stop was to get gas since my empty light was on and my third stop was at Hughie's where we agreed I would get $250 for my truck. My fourth stop was to get a widows deduction on taxes. She wanted to take Jim's disability off but since I can't talk, and I once read that the disability deduction stays as long as I am in the house and even extends to one additional house in case I move. I was unable to argue that point, so all I could manage to say is that I'm disabled. She left the disability on. That will take effect for the 2015 taxes. Next I went to the clerk of court to make it my house instead of mine and Jim's. That cost $10. Since I was on a roll my next stop was at the Title Company. I explained the best I was able that my husband had died, I was next and that when I went Aaron should be my survivor. I paid her $250 and had to come back at 2 to sign the papers so I went over to see Sam and while I was there I had lunch. There I was with two expert swallowers and I had to wipe my mouth with every bite of soup because of leakage. When something got lodged in my throat I washed it down with a can of Mountain Dew. I came home and helped Aaron and Melissa unload from their Save-A-Lot trip and then I washed the dishes. I watched some Drop Dead Diva and tried to take a nap until Jake came in to announce dinner was ready. I now had more dishes to wash and Christian cleaned out under this bed and found a glass with a cockroach stuck inside it and a few spoons covered with peanut butter, dust and hair. Jake put big x's to cross of the days gone by on my diary calender more or less obliterating my notes on the calendar. Every day I go around picking up toys that they left laying around. These are the most inconsiderate boys I have ever known. It has now been 6 days since I filed for EBT and the workers deadline was 5 days. The Langley FL Access man said Thursday or Friday so I may go tomorrow.

Thursday April 10

I was so worried about taking the Defensive Drivers course for a discount on my auto insurance I was waiting until the time was right to take it. I decided today was the day since I had nothing planned. I began this morning and ended at 10:15 pm. I copied and pasted everything into my word processor and when the test park came after 6 lessons I used my find button to find the answers and got a 92 on the test. I missed two and one I missed because I was so tired and the dog ate my dinner and we have no water and the answer as there and I didn't see it so I picked the next closets number and of course it was wrong. All I need was an 80% so I'm okay. This afternoon Melissa drew my attention to the flooded pump house. The pump was pumping but we had no water because a connection had come apart and the only thing I knew to do was call Paul. I took the tin panel off the pump house roof and Paul pulled up the submersible pump and found a broken wire. The wire broke when the connection came apart and the PVC that leads to the pump had gone down the tube. So Paul pulled the pump back up and sort of fixed it but the fix didn't last long because the part that connects the two halves came apart and he's coming back tomorrow with new parts and new glue and pull it out again and put the new part on with the new glue and then I can water my plants. I'll go to Langley tomorrow after Paul leaves.

Friday April 11

Paul and Pauline came while I was eating eggs and fixed the PVC that went down the well. I went to Langley to check on my EBT and SSI and was told they were each in the right office, but neither had been processed yet. I was told it was because I had money in my bank account. I could not tell him that money had to last 6 months because I could not talk and I knew it would not matter. I took a nap. I gave up on Drop Dead Diva and switched to Secret Princess. I worked on my stump fire watered my plants, made a barrel fire and took a shower. Paul called and asked me to drive his truck to the dump with his recycling and mine.

Saturday April 12

At 9 am I was at Paul house and he drove the big truck to the dumpster and we loaded it with all the plastic bottles he had fished out of the dumpster. Between my car and his truck I tripped on a root and body slammed onto the ground. I felt my head bounce twice, got up and got in the truck. I felt sort of dazed but I had a job to do so after I piked up my recycling I drove the big truck to the dump and when I pulled into the recycling aisle 4 prisoners help me unload by throwing the bags in the bucket of a front end loader. I came back to his house, picking up a box of cans on my way. I got yelled at for not bringing back the bags. The missionaries arrive later and I asked them to either screw the roof panel back on the pump house, split logs or start a fire in the woods. The chose to start a fire in the woods, and the last time I checked it was still burning. Aaron and Jake went out just before they left and threw logs from the unburned pile into the pile of burning logs. I had done a few before he got there, and a couple while he was there but either Aaron or Jake and Aaron did most of the work. I watered times today. Karen Echols came and we sat in the swing and talked. She brought me a sympathy card containing two $100 bills. If Aaron and and Melissa continue paying the mortgage I think I now have enough to last 5 more months. I made a fire and washed the dishes and had lukewarm water for my shower. While I was in there that water struck my left shin bone and created instant pain. I though that when the log slid and landed on my leg it created some problem, but I never imagined it was that bad. I put some CDS on it. I finished my Lying Princes series and decided to re watch Weeds. I had watched the first series with Jim and I quickly realized that I had forgotten the details; I remembered only the general plot. Christian is now 9 and opened his present after dark. Still he had to go out and run it around the back yard. Looks like since two people asked if I was coming to church tomorrow, I'll go - after I water and check the woods fire.

Sunday April 13

I went to church and I was the first person in the chapel. Karen sat one die of me and Mel the other, as usual. I checked my fire and watered before church and got the fire down to 7 small fires with 2-3 logs each. The middle was gone. I came home and remembered that I had left the aluminum pans with covers on top of the refrigerator. So I collected them, got in the car and drove back to church and left them in the foyer. Trudy Austin they would be recognized my their owners. I watched a bit of Weeds and then called Pat. I checked my fire and got it down to 5 small fires and took a short nap and Pat called. She told Melissa she would meet me at 4 pm in from the the Chinese restaurant in the Winn Dixie Plaza. I waited 45 minutes before she picked me up and we drove to the VA clinic on SR 42 where we were suppose to meet another couple. After waiting a long time Pat called and learned the woman had fallen asleep on the couch so she was running late. She showed up with a man driving. We got in the back and took the long route to the Stake center. I picked foods I figured I could eat and took 3 napkins and got my drink first. I had some difficulty with the chicken, but managed to get it all down. The Mel asked if he could bring me back something and he brought me a piece of cheese cake. That was torture to get down, and Pat brought me 2 more napkins. But I got it all down. Then I went to wash out my mouth and brush my teeth and ended up in the Relief Society Room where a pilot lectured about the book I read last week in 2 days. There were only 5 men there and about 20 women. The driver our car had had a stroke and claims he talked just like me. He wanted to give me a blessing, and did. I had already made arrangements to return to my car at the Winn Dixie Plaza with Joel Hoyle, since he lives close to Winn Dixie. The other 3 men were in Joel's car on the way home. Joel dropped off the other two men at his house, then me at Winn Dixie, and I guess he took food to the missionaries and I came home. It is now 10:30 pm, way past my bedtime, and past the duck's bedtime since Aaron and Melissa didn't put them to bed at dark. Now I'm going to bed.

Monday April 14

It wasn't much of a day. I watered and completed the stump fire. I loaded the big wheelbarrow and took the junk to the hole. I got the woods fire down to one fire and around 6 pm I started a fire using a burning log from the woods fire. That enabled me to wash all the dishes and maybe get a shower. I must spend some money to get one mower working, probably the riding mower since the last time I got the push mower fixed it cost the same as repair would have cost for the riding mower. I took two short naps ate cereal for breakfast, left over chicken from last night and more chicken that Melissa cooked for dinner. At 10 pm it's 74 degrees and feels like 80 degrees. It looks like by morning I won't have anything else to burn.

Tuesday April 15

This morning the phone rang and Melissa asked me if I wanted to go to the Farm Store I asked where the farm store was and she said Rural King. I assumed it was her mother so I said yes. I asked when we would be leaving and she said shortly. So when Paul came and asked if I wanted to go to Rural King I said no. So I went to Langley to check if the man was there to see what to do about the paper I had and he didn't open until 10:00. I went out the car and saw I t was 10 am so I went back in and saw another woman who claimed was ahead of me. I figured I could wait until tomorrow so I came home and worked. My one pile of logs was small enough it could be moved so I got the wagon and loaded the burning logs on there and moved them up the stump fire. Then I took the big wheelbarrow and a shovel and pulled weeds out of the small eastern gully and dumped them in the hole. I came in and was watching Weeds and the sky got dark and it stared to rain and went the power went out I took a nap. When I got up from the nap I continued watching Weeds until it was time for dinner which was followed by birthday cake and ice cream and then I watched more Weeds. Aaron brought me liquid medicine for my cold (I stopped taking Moringa because it was too hard to swallow) and I took one does before the cake and I figure I will take a second dose before bed. It's powerful stuff.

Wednesday April 16

My teeth chattered all night long. I got up at 7 am and fed the ducks and let them out then I came in and made oatmeal and added powdered Moringa. I felt something missing from my diet and I haven't been taking Moringa because of the trouble I have swallowing pills then went back to bed. I am very low on Kiefer so I bypassed CDS since Moringa cancels out CDS. I went back to bed and slept until 11:30. At 1:30 I got in my car and drove to Langley to talk to the Access man. I had submitted an application for Medicaid in January and got a reply saying they would call for an interview in 15 days. I went to tell him I have no phone since I can't talk so they can't call, and he just said to ignore that application and go with the application from March. My claim is that they didn't act upon the January application because I hadn't included a doctor's diagnosis. I gave a doctor's diagnosis to them in March and they applied it to the January application. Disgusted I got in my car and drove home and sat in the turned off hot car for maybe half a hour absorbing the heat. I went in and got the mail and watched some Weeds then got cold and got under the covers and slept until 6:30. We had dinner and Melissa made a fire and she started washing the dishes and I said I could take over so I finished he dishes. The ducks went in nicely and I watered the garden, the Moringa and the luffa. I think I may have walking or a-typical pneumonia. At the end of the dishes I felt nauseous and was leaning over the toilet and solved that problem by turning around and putting the other end on the toilet seat. Now at 10 pm I suppose I'll take a shower and watch some Weeds until I get cold and tired again.

Thursday April 17

I got up at 7:30 and let the ducks out and stayed up all day until 10 pm. My new size 10 jeans arrived in the mail from ThreadUP At 3:30 I went to see the doctor at the free clinic in Wildwood for another prescription at a higher power but the doctor wasn't there so the solo lady there called around to get the best price and it turned out to be SafeScript right there in Wildwood. CVS had charged me $24 so she canceled those refills and I got it filled for $2. I was so happy I went three businesses down to Save-A-Lot and got a few things. I came home and was soon alone so I gathered some lettuce and spinach from my garden, added some cooked fish and watched more Weeds. I was curious about Weeds so I Wikipediaed it and found the song list so I looked up a lot of songs on you tube and listened to them on You Tube. I finished the dished by heating and wash water and using leftover barrel water for rinse. Sam, you said you would help me wrote a will and I think it is time. Email me when you get up.

Friday April 18

This morning I realized I needed or would eventually need an aspirator. I found one on eBay and Craig's list and both were in Ocoee which is one town this side of Orlando but the traffic is Orlando traffic and Melissa agreed that I would meet the seller at Publix market 2 miles north of the road I took to get there. Melissa called me on this last 2 miles to tell me he would be driving a white Lexus and would be parked under the Publix sign. He wasn't parked there when I got there but the minute I started driving to look for a white Lexis he drove in and parked, and I parked next to him. He handed me the box and the manual and said if it didn't work I could throw it away. If it did work, I could send him money. Next I went to Michael's and got a flag box Jim's flag. Next I went to Aldi and on the way out there was a couple in a car with the hood up. I knocked on their window and asked if they needed a jump. I got my cable out and in the process of attaching the cables to my car I dropped my key in the engine. It took awhile to find it but when I did my car would not start. I removed the cable, slammed the hood shut then reopened it and then it started. But charging their car battery did not help. I put my groceries in the trunk and asked how I could help them and suggested I take them home. They agreed, added their groceries to the trunk and I drove them home. Very nice house. I got back on 50 but my GPS was screwed up so I abandoned it and looked for 50 west. That got me home, but the flag is to big for the box. It rained after I got home thank goodness and I watched Weeds while Aaron and Melissa went to pick up Autumn and Pizza. I put the ducks in and then ate pizza and watched more Weeds. I watched until 10:15, no nap again today.

Saturday April l9

I cleaned up the back yard and dumped the garbage and when the missionaries came around 10:30 I had them start a fire in the barrel and burn the garbage. After doing that they offered me a blessing and I warned them that God may ignore their blessing because I had handed over everything to God and he gave me a disorder I could not cure because it was the only way to pay off the mortgage after the insurance kicked in so Aaron could afford the house when I died. So they gave me blessing that the disorder wouldn't devastate me. I watched Weeds every chance I got today between dishes and shower and dinner and finding the lost duck. Paul called and invited me to Easter dinner at his house and I accepted. I hope they don't have a ham dinner. I do well with vegetables, rice and potatoes. I though if I watched long enough I would run out of episodes but it got to be 10 pm (no nap) and they hadn't run out. I never found the female duck and this gives me incentive to email Bob and ask him to incubate the duck eggs. This would involve driving out to Panasoffkee when I should be driving to Sam's house and getting gas before the price goes up

Easter Sunday April 20

I got up a 5 am, did my gas prices, watched two episodes of Weeds, let the ducks out and laid down until it was time to go to church. Church started at 10 and I didn't wake up until 10:10. Since I usually arrive early I saw no point in arriving late. I went back to watching Weeds. Once again I laid down for a short while, but this time I got up in time to go to Paul's house at 1 pm (I was 2 minutes late) for Easter dinner. I didn't eat any ham, but I did eat stuffing, sweet potato, salad, baked beans, green bean salad and pumpkin pie. I stayed and talked to Paul who tried to get me to whisper but no matter how hard I tried I was unable to whisper. I came home and updated my letter to the neurologist to add whispering to the things I can no longer do. I think I may try to make Keifer, but plan to buy some tomorrow while I investigate making it. I finished the Weeds series tonight, and I learned my duck was eaten by a female bobcat getting food for her infant bobcat.

Monday April 21

After losing my female duck I decided to email Bob Lipold to ask if I could put my duck eggs into his incubator. Karen was suppose to come so when Bob called and said 7 pm I was relieved. Karen never came. I tried to nap - tried two times but never slept. At 5 pm I went to the woods to scream and pray and at 6:40 I headed to Lake Panasoffkee with 13 eggs. Bob candled them and decided to incubate 7 of them. I stayed and talked to Bob for awhile and then I went North about 3 roads to visit Garry. His trailer is a mess but shows promise. I came home and Aaron brought home Kefir so I am back to taking CDS every hour except when I'm asleep. Now after a few rejects, I settled on watching House.

Tuesday April 22 - 7 more days

I almost didn't get to write tonight because my Widows expected me to hit a hot key. Anyway, I did my gas prices and worked on my stump fire which one time I ran out there to just to see if I could. Aaron ad I took the riding mower to Paul the repair guy in Lake Panasoffkee. I watered and helped hang the laundry and I did dishes and I took CDS all day today. At 4 pm I decided I had better fill my car with gas since my station had the lowest price in Florida. While I was there I went to the Dollar Tree and got miniature paper cups for my CDS and a bottle of Awesome and Chili, and napkins. I watched more House and they had one man with ALS but all House did was prove he didn't have it . I called Sam on my way back from Bushnell but he didn't answer the phone so I didn't stop.